Billosophy

I started thinking about this topic last week.  I do not have a church I belong too.  What I do have is what I have learned through life and my friends and family to give guidance (and if you know my mom – she’ll guide me weather I want it or not)!  It is interesting talking to friends and acquaintances when they ask “Do you go to Church?”  My response is usually “No – I do not.”  Simple and to the point … until they ask WHY?  I take that question to mean “please tell me more – I am interested in your views” … and so I respond … I believe organized religion and “Church” is good for some people, but not for all.  I have a hard time listening to someone tell me how to live my life … because 1. The Bible says so and 2. I am your pastor.  In my experience … the sermons I have listened to were watered down religious vomit shoveled down onto the congregation by some guy who stands up and says “Listen to me – ‘cause I am a better Christian than you!”

So … would you classify me as bitter towards the church?  I would say I am skeptical … and yes, bitter would be a good term to use.  However, if a church wants to grow (and they should always want to grow) I am thinking they might want to think about reinventing themselves.  I think about the Catholic Church … what are the largest obstacles this organization is facing?  How are they reaching the young generation and attracting new families?  Not only the Catholic faith – I am sure other religions are feeling it too.  How are they going to reinvent themselves and their “brand” in order to get new butts in seats?

Bottom line … Church is a business.  They have expenses and income … they have target goals and stretch goals … they need money to survive and in order to make money they need members.  In order to attract, they need to change and in order to change – they need to think and behave differently.

“People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, fitting in instead of standing out.” – Warren Bennis

If a Church takes the “well they (the masses) need to conform to our methods, ideals, doctrine” stance they will never grow.  Growth happens when an organization takes complete advantage of the climate and resources available.  It is in the best interest of the organization for them to stand out and become the “light” – but what does it take and what does it mean for those leading Churches?

I sent out an email to a few friends last week asking what their opinions were regarding Church and the Churches they attend.  I limited my emails to those I know very well and those I know are involved in their Church in some capacity (meaning they don’t just go to church on Easter and Christmas).  I had some expectations on what I would hear – but it was cool reading the concerns and issues of those I consider friends of mine.  My question was “what would be the 3 things Churches are doing wrong and right these days?”  I didn’t go into much detail regarding what answers I was looking for – I left it vague on purpose.

I had quite a few responses that talked about how churches need to develop a more welcoming environment for newcomers, spending more time discussing the theology topic and comparing various religions.  There was also a lack of small group support, bible studies and the facilitation of intimate group discussions “where real sharing can happen.”  Programs were also mentioned in some responses … “Programs don’t reach people for Jesus, people in love with Him do.”  Seems like they need to lighten up on the meetings and management of programs and allow time for families in the church to invite their neighbors and friends over for dinner and fun and eventually maybe even Jesus.

Pam hit a strong nail on the head regarding what is wrong in some Churches – “Making church about building the pastor’s vision instead of the pastor finding out what his people’s vision is and coming along beside each one to support him/her.”  Too many times the leader of the church has their own personal agenda and they use that agenda to drive their sermons and teachings.

My other friend Pam brought up a few things that I believe is part of the reason why I have a hard time lowering my guard with organized religion … Guilt, Shame and Judgment!  HUGE issues for so many people … from not attending church every Sunday, Sinning, Wearing the “wrong clothes,” talking the wrong way, sexual orientation (homosexuals).  Why would the leader of an organization that teaches forgiveness, acceptance, love and compassion – stand up and allow those in that organization to behave in a contradictory way?  Is it Hypocritical?  Are they acting on their own and “judging” others or are they following the teaching of the organization?  I have no idea – what I do know, is no matter what the pastor preaches … how the “church” behaves outside of the building they worship in is what will or will not help grow the congregation.

My suggestion … If you want to grow and build … you gotta BE the growth!  You MUST change every part of your organization if you want to grow.

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” — George Bernard Shaw

Now – some of the things Churches are doing right?  I think most of the responses I received somehow had a mention of activities and volunteer opportunities.  Making church more about “real people” and how the struggles going on today are not only happening to you.  Everything from losing a parent, cheating spouse, gambling problem, fight with your kids, etc … God loves us all and it’s the real people in the church that take this ideal and help others.

Benevolence inside and outside of the church for the poor is also a tool used to spread the example of compassion and love.  Reaching out and helping those who need help … that is what I mean when I say “Be” the example.

Another good way to attract new members is through music.  My friend J.T. told me the move away from the traditional piano / organ / choir setup to the “praise band” model. I’ve been in some churches where it’s done poorly simply because of a lack of talent. And when a church band is lame, it’s REALLY lame, which is too bad. But when they have good musicians with decent chops, it’s a whole different thing and much more enjoyable.  Music draws many people together for many different reasons, I think by looking at new music and understanding the art music is … some Churches know this and use this to offer an experience to its members, old and new.

I read about the good way to focus on the family – not the James Dobson group … the “family” that gets up, showers and dresses, packs the car and drives to the Church.  It is about the families that support each other … the teen groups that meet and teaches young adults how to feel good about themselves and equip them to go into the world and be accepted for who they are.  Sunday school and their mission of focusing on the spiritual growth of little kids by boiling the “word” down to the basics and establishing a foundation for these young kids … Who has heard the stories regarding how a Sunday school teacher affected someone’s life?

Finally – the foundation of all Churches and what they should strive for every day!  Forgiveness and Love!  The fact that God gave his son to die for us so that we are forgiven!  Period.  Done.  There is nothing you can do that won’t be forgiven. HE loves you. There isn’t anything you can do to get to heaven. No works to be done. No hoops to jump through. No monies to be paid. Nothing.  All you can do is believe! Easy? Not really … possible?  Absolutely!

I think if you are involved in an organized church and you feel it is time to reinvent the mission, ask yourself – “if I were creating this church today, given what I know and given current technology, what would it look like?” If you were charged with designing and creating a new denomination – what would you change about the current one you are in?  What if I were to guarantee success … with failure not in the picture what would you change in your churches organization?

I am afraid there are two obstacles that are very hard to overcome.  1. Churches and the leadership being threatened by its “members” trying to bring on change and 2. Members of a church being so heavily indoctrinated their own imagination is crippled beyond their own realization.

How are you bringing in change … what change does your organization need and how are you working towards that change?

Have you heard about “Spread the word, to end the word” campaign? You might have if you were reading headlines a couple weeks ago. If you don’t know, the short version is – the White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, used “The Word” in a meeting …what word – “RETARDED!”  I have had this discussion with other friends of mine also regarding this word.  I could understand if Mr Emanuel was pointing at a mentally challenged person while saying the word “Retarded” … and how that might be construed as “insensitive” but when using the word to describe a situation or action … aren’t we just taking it a bit to far?

The definition of Retard is “to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.”  Is the statement “Refrigeration can be used to retard the growth of the bacterial culture” defensive … or discriminatory?  Why then, if someone says “That is Retarded,” am I suppose to instantly think about special needs kids?  I don’t get it … and what kills me is the people who are coming under attack for using this word, are using it in a manner that does not point towards mentally disabled people … however, you show me a human that would use the word Retarded as a derogatory statement towards a group of other humans … and I will show you someone who really does NOT care what you or the rest of society thinks about the language they chose to use.  The only thing we are doing as a society is putting the “sensitive” and respectable people on edge and getting them to self censor themselves when they speak – and most of the time the underlying message gets lost in the “Political Correctness.”

Where does it end?  What is acceptable now?  What words do we use today in every day conversation that will be derogatory in 5, 10, 15 years … Fat?  Skinny?  Blonde?  Lazy?

When we stop trying to manage others actions, we free up a lot of time to invest into our own life … we can then become the example for people to follow.  Be the change in society … do not armchair quarterback what is happening around you.

Man – I have fallen behind in my writing lately.  6 weeks into the new year too … UGH!  OK, I am going to need each one of you who read this to keep me writing.  If I have not posted anything after 2 or 3 days – email me and let me know how disappointed you are!  K – Thanks!  I have not written in 10 days … I have a lot to say … so, enjoy this post and PLEASE, leave a comment – I think this is going to stir up some feelings!  *grin*

I read an article the other day titled “Stop Teaching Our Kids To Kill” by David Marsh.  This article talks about Lt. Col. Dave Grossman and how he has “laid siege to the entertainment industry” through his theory of Killology.  Grossman’s theory is that “violence in TV, movies and video games is teaching our kids to kill.”  Ummmm – WHAT???  My first reaction was dismissal – “Oh No, here is another crazy ass giving parents another excuse why NOT to raise their own kids!”  Then after about .0034 seconds … I realized one thing – This guy, Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, is a 24 year veteran with the US Military!  He is not some whacked out nut case (my assumption, since most Lt. Col.’s need to be pretty with it if they are going to make it 24 years) … anyway … Here is a man who has made a career from an industry of killing.  Does that make him an expert on what the Entertainment industry is doing?  NOPE … does it make him an expert on the psychology of kids and what makes them do things?  NOPE (for the record – that person does not exists – you can not tell me why kids do things – its impossible!)

So – what is Grossman’s stand?  He wants to “stop an industry that’s selling death and horror and destruction to children as entertainment.”  Now – I would like YOU (the reader) to take a minute and think about that statement.  What is the first word or name that comes to mind when you think about “an industry that is selling death and horror and destruction.”  The first “industry” I think about when the topic of death and destruction is discussed is MEDIA.  Our NEWS in America is no longer about News … it is over-sensationalized garbage where explosions and affairs take top billing over issues that can actually ruin our society.  I am taken back to a time when Anna Nicole Smith was found dead in South Florida … CNN and FOX and MSNBC aired this information for 9 straight days!  Michael Jackson’s death … 3 weeks … NOT NEWS!

The war in Iraq (support it or not) and the coverage we are showing on the 57 NEWS channels that air NEWS 24 hours a day / 7 days a week … wouldn’t you say that might be a cause for the desensitization of our kids to death and gore?  Not Lt. Col. Grossman … he wants you to believe that playing Call Of Duty – Modern Warfare 2 is going to “teach youngsters the skill of killing.”  So – if I understand Grossman correctly – do away with the video games, movies, radio and TV industry and all our problems will be solved!  HA HA HA … I disagree … Circle Gets The Square!

I have a very good friend in the video game industry, he has worked for over 10 years and is currently lead designer at a successful gaming company – I sent him the link to this article and this was his response:

Ultimately, all of the studies have not proven this to be the case. We, as a culture, aren’t any more violent than we used to be (I’m looking at you Coliseum)….we’re simply more desperate, more selfish and better connected so the flow of information happens much faster, creating the illusion. We are definitely more desensitized, but we’re desensitized to everything. Stand in the aisle at a Walmart and you’ll see children shouldered up to magazines telling women how to satisfy their men better.  Covers with mostly naked women all over them. You’ve got thongs in child sizes, children brands like “apple bottom” which refers to the shape of a woman’s ass. Violence isn’t really the biggest threat to our existence, it’s always going to be a part of it, it’s actually the sexualization of children, and especially girls.

You want to know what’s going to destroy the world?  Unwanted children and the death of class and self-respect.  Not to mention the fact that it’s impossible for the world to manage the flow of entertainment to children. Entertainment is built for a specific audience and rated as such. It’s up to parents to be the filter between their kids and the music, movies, games, books and pictures of the world. It doesn’t matter what kind of regulations we impose, without that filter it’s all for nothing … and the filter is what is gone because so many people are having children that have no business doing so. I’m not worried about my kids playing Halo, though I wouldn’t let anyone under 12 play it, I’m worried about what they see every day in the culture around them.

You want to save the world? Don’t regulate entertainment or media, regulate breeding.

What drives me absolutely NUTS is when I read about government, leaders, groups, pastors, anyone – try to tell ME how to raise MY CHILD!  Tyler and Bryan are both amazing kids … Smart, Witty, Successful and Polite – they play video games, they watch movies (sometimes movies I wont even watch – *SHOCK*), they read magazines … yet, somehow they do not fit into the mold these idiots are trying to stuff them into.  Their argument does NOT hold water … because when you boil it down – it is still the parents responsibility to raise the kids!  All these guys want to do is point blame away from adults who have unruly kids, adults who need a reason to blame for their own failures.  Grossman points out in his presentation “young shooters in school massacres in Colorado and Kentucky, among others, were avid video game players.”  WAIT … I am an “avid” video game player … I play my Xbox AT LEAST 3 – 4 times a week … and have been known to play “shooter games” 4 – 6 hours at a time … does that mean I am going to go crazy and start killing?  How about looking at other “factors” with the school shooters … loners, picked on, rebellious, small group of friends, absent parents – I wouldn’t even put Video Games in the top 20 reasons these kids did what they did … blaming video games for violence is easy … but does that make it right?  It’s like saying “Guns Kill People” … noooooo, its the little tiny bullets that kill people … the gun is just a tool … like a hammer, or saw … both of those tools kill people too if used for that purpose – are we now going to raise up against Hammers and Saws???

OK – lets look at this from another angle … and the reason why my post is titled “Ohhhh the Hypocrisy!”  Lt. Col Grossman wants us to believe video games and the entertainment industry is BAD … if this is true – then why does the US Military make it look sooooo exciting in their ad campaigns?  Forgive me – but doesn’t this commercial make being in the Military look and feel like playing a real life video game – only thing they leave out is you get ONE CHANCE – there is no spawn point on these maps:

How can a man with 24 years of Military service stand up and say how horrible an industry is when the same Military uses that industry to attract recruits?  After all … wouldn’t the Military want to attract someone other than an unstable, video gamer that could snap and kill people anytime?  Desensitization happens everywhere – its not one industry/person/company’s fault.  If you try to point the finger at one and ignore other factors affecting the end result you end up being foolish and self-sabotage your mission.

What do you think – when you read this post (and the article on Lt Col Grossman) what is your experience?  What goes through your mind when you think about “desensitizing our youth” … I look forward to any comments you all leave!

Within my social network I have recently read about a few people having to deal with forgiveness … the ability to forgive and if someone is “worthy” of forgiveness. It all started when I read a blog post about the pain of re-living past events … it was hard to read and I am sure, even harder to post! I commented on this “friends” (used loosely as “one who writes a blog I read” kinda way) post regarding my thoughts on forgiveness and I was surprised to read the comments from other readers. They ranged from “I am sorry” to “Screw the bastard” … I began to realize many people do not understand what forgiveness is, how to forgive and what is the next step after forgiving.

Forgiveness has roots in many religions – Buddhism talks about it as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. Christianity is largely based on forgiveness and Jesus often speaks to Christians about forgiving or showing mercy towards others. Asking for forgiveness is very much a part of the practice of Hinduism. Islam teaches that God (Allah) is ‘the most forgiving’, and is the original source of all forgiveness, along with that the Qur’an makes it clear that, whenever possible, it is better to forgive another than to attack another and in Judaism if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is religiously required to grant forgiveness … religiously required, Seriously!?!?

Back in 1988 the Gallup Organization took a “large representative sampling of American people” on various religious topics and found that 94% said it was “Important to forgive” however, 85% said they needed “Outside help to be able to forgive.” Nobody understands … Forgiveness is NOT for the recipient … it is “FOR” the “GIVER” … the person who is able to forgive those who have wronged them – is no longer wronged. Do not read that as “I’ll let you do whatever you want to me and it’s OK” – but more like “Understand there are consequences for your actions, however, YOUR actions do not control me!”

Henri Nouwen said:

“When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope”

This is a great quote … a “common search for life” is a perfect phrase because it’s what we are all doing on Earth. Living, learning, searching … when we understand that our pains are experiences that shape us into who we are and we can actually live in the pain and survive, we become empowered! For me, when I forgive someone, I am able to feel the pain – learn the lesson (trust me, there is one!) – So I can live my life as an example to others. My forgiveness is not for the person who acted against me. Honestly, I do not care how that person “feels” or if they are able to live with themselves. My act of forgiveness is my ability to let go of the action, understand that I do not control anyone other than myself. Learn the lesson by seeing the warning signs and not allow the same thing to happen over and over.

Being able to forgive takes practice, it is an art in ways. Forgiveness takes focus, determination, drive, passion and vision … forgiving is not something that “comes easy” … forgiveness HURTS … forgiving sucks most of the time. Just like any transition in life, changing one’s self is uncomfortable – however, the end result is so sweet.

What is your struggle with forgiveness? What do you find yourself agonizing over – when faced with having to practice forgiving those who do you wrong?