Billosophy

We all know someone who has ended a relationship, lost a loved one, or has been emotionally hurt by someone in their life.  This has been on my mind lately because a dear friend of mine just ended a marriage and is in the process of rebuilding her life.  I look back at my own journey when my marriage ended 10 years ago – what I went through, the highs and lows … the lessons I learned.  It took me 10 years to figure this out … but the latest discovery I have had in my own life and what I am helping my friend realize is that Love is a renewable resource.

How many times have you hear someone (or yourself) say “I don’t think I can ever love again!”  How many people in your life have shut down and refuse to open up and allow someone new in?  If we take a step back and think about it … why would you refuse yourself the feeling of loving another?  It is not like you can stop yourself from loving … how many things do you love?  A Dog, Cat, Mom, Dad, Siblings, Car, Book, Movie, Best Friend … no matter how hard you try … you cant “stop” loving.

So what does this accomplish – the act of protecting yourself from loving or being loved.  Sounds more like an oxymoron to me – how can you protect yourself from something that makes your life better/happier/healthier?  When I hear “I will never love again” … what I hear are people who stick their head in the sand and withdraw into their own world thinking they are protecting themselves.  But lets think about it this way … when a turtle pulls everything into its shell to protect itself from threat – how far can it go?

Protecting yourself is smart – it is necessary in order to be successful in life, but be smart with action.  Decisions you make, behaviors you allow, boundaries you set – these are all protective measures you take for yourself.  They help you maximize life by allowing you the freedom to focus on productive actions to build successful relationships.

I ran across a blog by Tracy Todd this past week … her post Heart Running Free was a great read and this quote helped me realize things in my own life:

With every emotion life has to offer – with every disappointment, heartbreak, tragedy, uncertainty, happiness, joy, dream, hope, and love (lost and found) – I learn a little more about myself.  I find strength within me that I never knew existed before.  Life’s experiences change and mold me.  But, more importantly, they define who I am.

What are your boundaries … what are the behaviors that matter most to you?  Tell us about your relationship successes and lessons learned.

In 1992 I read a book – Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.  The book was made into a movie in 1994 and Morgan Freeman took the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading role.  I think the role of Red could not have been played or written any better.  What surprised me off the bat, and what some of you might know.  Steven King wrote this as a short story.  A “short story” that needed 2 1/2 hours to tell it … page by page.  In my opinion, the movie followed the book to the letter.  It is fabulous and if you have not seen it – GET IT!

At the end of the movie Morgan Freeman is narrating the following lines:

I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Watch the movie and you will understand … if you have seen it … you know what it did to you.  To me – that is hope!  Hope is the silent energy that keeps people going.  Hope is that small whisper in your ear saying “You can do it!” Hope is stirring inside of your chest when your brain says NO WAY … and your mouth says … I can do it!  I love hope … and I love what it brings with it.  What have you hoped for?  As a kid, I wanted a BMX bike … a blue mongoose with mag wheels!  I hoped … and there is was Christmas morning!  Hope gives you powers to make the impossible easy!  As Wikipedia says – “Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.”

My goal is to carry a message of hope … share that message with every one I come into contact with.  My own hope is tried constantly.  From those who are without hope – down, frustrated, angry … all I want to do is give them that spark.  I don’t need to give them hope – to me, hope is in everyone … hope is part of the human core!  All someone has to do is spark it, give it that little push, turn on the switch.  Most of the time – that hope will drive someone to completion … either through perserverence or through planning.  As long as you focus on your mission … and use hope to drive your momentum … Anything is possible.

A great dialog in the Shawshank Redemption between Red and Andy went something like this

• Andy Dufresne: That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you… Haven’t you ever felt that way about music?
• Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn’t make much sense in here.
• Andy Dufresne: Here’s where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don’t forget.
• Red: Forget?
• Andy Dufresne: Forget that… there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.
• Red: What’re you talking about?
• Andy Dufresne: Hope.

Hope is yours … it is what makes you human, it makes you who you are … it completes you!  Nobody can take away hope from you life – some try, and others willingly give it up … but I think Hope is just as important as Freedom!  Without either – we are dead.

Hope is how we as friends can continue to motivate our other friends to complete what their passion is – Andy writes to Red – “Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well. Your friend. Andy.”

I like asking people what they hope for … what drives their goals … and why do they set them.  I think the answers I get tell a lot about those in my life.  And they range from “I don’t know” all the way to “sit down, this will take a while.”

Lets get asking our friends and those close to us … “What do you hope for?” … you might be surprised at the answers you get.