Billosophy

5 Things Kids Want To Hear

// July 25th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Belief, Life, Thoughts

I was thinking about this the other day and decided to try to come up with a few things I do to push my son Tyler and challenge him to think and try harder.  I looked at this not from my point of view as the parent – but as Tyler and what would I want from me in order to really push hard and reach my goals … here are my thoughts on 5 things every kid wants to hear from their parents

1. No … Because – Nobody wants to be told “No” … especially when there is nothing backing up the decision.  How many times did you hear the phrase “No, because I said so!”  Then we as kids, would just walk away shaking our head thinking “well that didn’t make any sense at all” … but as kids, our attention span was the equivalent of a puppy so we quickly moved on.  The inquisitive nature of kids will always test and push your boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior, activities, language, mannerism.  It is our job as parents to provide the boundaries for the kids and then teach them how to use the boundaries to get the most out of life.  When they push the boundaries to far, it is up to us to correct and teach.  If the answer is “No” … explain why.  How else are they going to learn where the danger zones are?  “No, because if you touch the hot stove you will burn your hand” for example.

2. I need you to {insert goal here} – Kids need to be pushed … they need to be challenged.  If you do not start challenging early it is only making your job as a parent harder.  Last year Tyler moved down to live with Dawn and I.  It was a HUGE decision for him to make and he really put some thought into why he was moving away from his mom and brother and starting a new life with Dawn and I in a strange town.  Tyler has struggled in school always … I was very clear in what my expectations were regarding his school work and grades.  I set the bar very high for Tyler early .. A’s and B’s only on his semester and end of year report card.  Every day we talked about the progress, we had a countdown calendar for the semester and end of year.  I heard EVERY excuse in the book (my favorite was “The teacher gave us the wrong test … I studied chapter 3 and the test was on chapter 4!)  However, at the end of the first semester Tyler made Honor Roll (4 A’s and 3 B’s) and at the end of the year he finished with 3 A’s and 4 B’s … There are no words that can explain the pride Tyler felt and showed on the last day of school when he found out he actually DID IT!  Trust me – the 9 month journey was frustrating and hard … but I think that made the victory even sweeter for Tyler.  Kids want challenge … they need challenge … it is up to us as parents to set the bar and support them 100% in their pursuit.  This does not mean we should DO it for them … let them fail along the way … after all – how else will they learn?

3. You can do it!!! – Who does not LOVE a cheerleader in their corner?  This one is pretty self explanatory … support your kids while they are working to reach the goals you have set for them.  How hard do you work and how proud are you when you reach a goal and get nothing from those around you?  Kids look up to their parents … they strive to please their parents.  I pushed Tyler last year hard … at the same time, I told him every day “You can do this!”  Even when he gave me 186 excuses why his Chemistry teacher was not doing a good job … my response was “It is not his job to get the grades … it is his job to make sure you are in class and receive the material he is going to test you on.”  I knew Tyler was able to do it … and I pushed him to accept nothing less than a B and he DID IT.  So … I guess that would mean “I WAS RIGHT!”  When you set goals for your kids … cheer for them along the way … Its FUN!

4. I am proud of you – No matter what the outcome … be proud of your kids.  Try it sometime … out of the blue, when your kid does something … just say “I am proud of you!”  They might pretend to not care, but I promise they will remember that statement for a long time.  There were times when Tyler wanted to give up during the year … I supported him and kept him focused on the goal.  I gave him help, hired a tutor, emailed his teachers … I was involved.  I told him he could do it … and I believed that he could.  He struggled and accomplished the goal.  The icing on the cake was when Dawn and I looked Tyler in the eye and told him “We are so proud of you!”  He smiled … he pretended it didn’t matter … but his actions told a different story.  He walked prouder, he felt prouder … and I over heard him on the phone a few times telling his mom, brother, grandma and grandpa – “I did it!”  I am proud of Tyler … and in 4 weeks we start all over again.  I am soooooo ready!

5. I love you – Kids do everything they can to please their parents.  They look for acceptance from their parents and they are hungry to learn how their mom and dad feel about them.  Every day I tell Tyler I love him … and every time I talk to Bryan I tell him too.  Believe it or not – Kids care about what their parents think about them.  If you have not told your son or daughter you love them lately … START NOW!  For one reason – so they can never say “I dont know if my parents loved me” … and that statement usually comes out during a therapy session or an interview from a jail cell.  Kids want to know … kids beg for attention … give it to them – and watch what happens.

I am sure there are other things kids want to hear … leave a comment and tell me what you tell your kids and how you challenge them.

Andy Dufresne Got It Right!

// March 16th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Thoughts

In 1992 I read a book – Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.  The book was made into a movie in 1994 and Morgan Freeman took the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading role.  I think the role of Red could not have been played or written any better.  What surprised me off the bat, and what some of you might know.  Steven King wrote this as a short story.  A “short story” that needed 2 1/2 hours to tell it … page by page.  In my opinion, the movie followed the book to the letter.  It is fabulous and if you have not seen it – GET IT!

At the end of the movie Morgan Freeman is narrating the following lines:

I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Watch the movie and you will understand … if you have seen it … you know what it did to you.  To me – that is hope!  Hope is the silent energy that keeps people going.  Hope is that small whisper in your ear saying “You can do it!” Hope is stirring inside of your chest when your brain says NO WAY … and your mouth says … I can do it!  I love hope … and I love what it brings with it.  What have you hoped for?  As a kid, I wanted a BMX bike … a blue mongoose with mag wheels!  I hoped … and there is was Christmas morning!  Hope gives you powers to make the impossible easy!  As Wikipedia says – “Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.”

My goal is to carry a message of hope … share that message with every one I come into contact with.  My own hope is tried constantly.  From those who are without hope – down, frustrated, angry … all I want to do is give them that spark.  I don’t need to give them hope – to me, hope is in everyone … hope is part of the human core!  All someone has to do is spark it, give it that little push, turn on the switch.  Most of the time – that hope will drive someone to completion … either through perserverence or through planning.  As long as you focus on your mission … and use hope to drive your momentum … Anything is possible.

A great dialog in the Shawshank Redemption between Red and Andy went something like this

• Andy Dufresne: That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you… Haven’t you ever felt that way about music?
• Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn’t make much sense in here.
• Andy Dufresne: Here’s where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don’t forget.
• Red: Forget?
• Andy Dufresne: Forget that… there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.
• Red: What’re you talking about?
• Andy Dufresne: Hope.

Hope is yours … it is what makes you human, it makes you who you are … it completes you!  Nobody can take away hope from you life – some try, and others willingly give it up … but I think Hope is just as important as Freedom!  Without either – we are dead.

Hope is how we as friends can continue to motivate our other friends to complete what their passion is – Andy writes to Red – “Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well. Your friend. Andy.”

I like asking people what they hope for … what drives their goals … and why do they set them.  I think the answers I get tell a lot about those in my life.  And they range from “I don’t know” all the way to “sit down, this will take a while.”

Lets get asking our friends and those close to us … “What do you hope for?” … you might be surprised at the answers you get.